Q: How can we help our four-year-old overcome her fear of sleeping in the dark? We have tried almost everything – establishing a bedtime routine, using a night light, reading books and singing songs – but nothing seems to work.
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Being afraid of the dark is quite common among young children. At this age, their imaginations are growing rapidly and they can struggle to separate fantasy from reality. Your daughter is likely going through a normal developmental phase, and with patience and reassurance, she will likely outgrow it in time.
First, ask yourself if there have been any recent changes at home or in kindergarten that may have precipitated the fear.
Gently ask your daughter what she sees and what looks, sounds or feels scary to her – as well as what might help her feel safe.
Help her channel her imagination into fun, creative stories that are exciting but have happy endings. If she imagines a monster, encourage her to draw it the next day and then dress it up to make it funny and friendly. Give the creature a name and invent silly, lighthearted stories about it together.
If this doesn’t work after a week or two, try other methods. A night light in the room or hall can help but be sure it doesn’t cast scary shadows on the walls.
Some children love having several stuffed animals or dolls “on guard”, including one special “bedtime buddy”.
Every child is different, so what works for one may not work for another. Keep experimenting with creative solutions. The goal is to help soothe your child’s imagination, which can easily be overwhelmed by fear.
Q: I have a problem with how I speak to my wife and children. Too often, I fly off the handle and end up yelling at them. I want to be a better husband and father, and need to change my behaviour. Do you have any suggestions?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: You have taken an important first step by realising that you have a problem with anger and how you speak to your family. This is a significant and courageous step and more than half the battle, and we commend you for it.
To move forward, seek help from a professional marriage and family counsellor. Focus on the Family Malaysia offers experienced counsellors who can support you on this journey towards becoming a better husband and father.
Remember, anger is often fuelled by underlying emotions like fear, hurt and shame – a deep sense of not being good enough. Counselling can help you identify these triggers and understand the patterns behind your reactions. It can also equip you with better coping skills and teach you more effective ways to communicate with your loved ones. Counselling can also help uncover underlying emotional wounds and shed light
on “reenactment behaviours” that stem from unresolved issues with your family of origin or past difficult experiences. Gaining this awareness will empower you to move away from reactionary language that can take a heavy emotional toll on those you love.
In addition, we recommend reading books that address anger management, building a loving relationship with your spouse and finding joy and purpose in fatherhood. Resources like the 5 Love Languages and Intentional Fathering, available in our webstore, can offer valuable insight and practical guidance.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my.
Comments: letters@thesundaily.com