PETALING JAYA: Holding a marriage together has never been tougher. Across Malaysia, couples are living apart – torn between survival, sacrifice and the dream of one day reuniting under the same roof.
Financial pressures and career demands are pushing more families into long-distance arrangements, often at the expense of emotional well-being and daily routines.
For 48-year-old Roseni Slamat, life was turned upside down after the pandemic in 2020. Formerly a real estate agent in Johor Bahru, her income collapsed during lockdowns.
“After the lockdown, my earnings dropped sharply. To survive, I moved to Kuala Lumpur to start a food business with a friend,” she said.
Although the move was tough, Roseni counts herself fortunate. Her stall operates four days a week, allowing her time each month to travel home.
“Right now, I’m not sure how long we will continue living apart, but we’re definitely working towards being together again.”
For Mohd Khairuddin Azizan, 40, a store general manager with a major grocery chain, separation is about responsibility.
“As the head of the family, I’m responsible not just for my wife and kids, but also my parents. The way I care for my family is by ensuring their needs are met. To do that, I need a stable income – and that means holding on to my job,” he said.
Khairuddin works tirelessly, giving up futsal and even his car hobby to devote his free time to his children.
“Of course, I’ve sacrificed other things, but it’s worth it if my kids don’t feel like they’re missing out.”
For personal assistant Izzayati Husna Ahmad, 36, the choice was financial necessity.
“To live comfortably, I had to take a job that offers better pay and career growth.
“The downside? There’s not enough quality time with the family, especially the kids. Sometimes, they could not spend enough time with their father, as he’s already on his way out again.”
She remains hopeful: “Once the opportunity comes, I definitely want us to live together again.”
These stories reflect a wider trend.
Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia Centre for Psychology and Human Well-Being, Social Sciences and Humanities faculty senior lecturer Dr Salina Nen said couples rarely live apart by choice.
“It’s usually about career opportunities, education or financial limitations.
“Technology helps to stay connected, but it can’t replace a hug or the comfort of presence after a long, tiring day. Misunderstandings also occur more often when communication is reduced to brief calls or messages.
“Loneliness, guilt and sadness intensify during illness, parenting struggles or personal setbacks,” she said.
The challenges deepen for families with children, as the parent left at home shoulders most of the parenting and household duties.
“Managing two homes, travelling back and forth and still trying to save for the future – these financial burdens add yet another layer of stress to an already complex family dynamic,” she said.
A research paper co-authored by Salina last December noted the same trend is visible in advanced economies such as Europe, Canada and parts of Asia.
Universiti Teknologi Mara lecturer Mastura Razali, who is also a member of the Centre for Family Law and Consultation, echoed these concerns.
“Couples in long-distance marriages often face emotional isolation, lack of physical affection and the loss of daily support from their spouses. Without trust and strong communication, these challenges can spiral into depression and emotional detachment,” she said.
She cited a historical episode during the Caliphate of Umar Al-Khattab, when a woman expressed deep longing for her husband away on jihad. Umar consulted his daughter Hafsah on how long a woman could endure separation, to which she replied, “four to six months”.
Mastura said the episode illustrates the emotional toll of prolonged absence.
“When one parent is away, the other is forced to manage children’s schooling, meals, chores and financial planning alone.
“This imbalance breeds pressure and fatigue.
“The absent parent often feels guilty and helpless, while the one at home feels overwhelmed and unsupported.”