Q: My wife and I are more than willing to take care of my ageing father but he has always been a proud man, and we don’t want to diminish his sense of dignity. How do we support him without making him feel like he is becoming a burden or losing his purpose?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Research shows that most older people measure their worth by how well they meet three goals: 1) dependability; 2) ability to maintain close family ties; and 3) self-sufficiency.
Ageing parents often don’t want to reach out for help, rely on their children or hired help in their homes. They want to do things independently and prove they are still capable and self-reliant.
The key to honouring ageing loved ones lies in understanding how to support and encourage them in meaningful ways. Here are some suggestions:
Recognise skills and past successes: Honouring your father entails recognising not only who he is today but also his past achievements, abilities and talents.
Reminisce together: Help him reflect on and share his history with children and grandchildren. Capture these stories through digital recordings, photographs or memory books to preserve them for future generations.
Reinvent how you celebrate memories: Celebrate even small moments. Regular affirmations of love, appreciation and shared joy help reinforce a sense of value and belonging.
Maintain old friendships and foster new ones: Friendships help people stay engaged and are also beneficial in coping with loss, depression and feelings of loneliness. Make it easier for your father to stay connected through phone calls, emails and regular visits.
Renew energy with regular exercise: Encourage light physical activities – like walking, pickleball or community exercise classes – which can improve circulation and release feel-good endorphins, improving mood and health.
Support volunteer opportunities: Many non-profit organisations offer meaningful volunteer roles for seniors. Helping others can give your father a renewed sense of purpose and connection.
Encourage latent talents: If appropriate, gently encourage hobbies like gardening, painting, writing, woodworking or cooking. Pay attention to what sparks his enthusiasm and find ways to nurture that passion.
Q: I have been dating a great guy for a while and I think he would make a good husband. But I am not sure if he is my “soul mate”. Should I stay in the relationship or move on and keep looking?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Before you make a decision, consider this: soul mates aren’t found; they are formed over time.
David Block, a wedding videographer, explored this idea in a documentary where he revisited couples whose weddings he had filmed. He wanted to find out how their marriages had evolved in the years since their big day.
He concluded that the Hollywood-driven notion of “soul mate” – the belief that there is one perfect person out there just for you – is a myth.
As he put it: “A lot of marriage is coming to terms with the imperfect person you’re living with and acknowledging you’re not a perfect person either.”
No one “clicks” effortlessly with another person. We are all flawed, each with our own selfish impulses. That is why relationships, especially marriage, can be challenging at times.
Loving your spouse through the good and the difficult moments takes real effort. So, when you encounter differences in your relationship, don’t assume your partner isn’t your soul mate. Disagreements are natural and should be addressed but it is important to remember that we all have selfish tendencies.
It is only by working through challenges together that a couple can build the deep intimacy that defines a lasting marriage. Soul mates are not discovered; they are shaped over time through mutual sacrifice, commitment and enduring love.
When you find someone willing to grow with you in that way, it may just be the right match.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my.
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